Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Gia's Tips on Bringing Home a New Baby



I have a lot of experience being the coolest older sister, as such, I have a few tips on how to prepare your home for a little sibling.

Gia's Tips
5) Get a BIG SISTER BOOK for your older child. My parents got me “New Baby” by Mercer Mayer. I also like “Babies Don’t Eat Pizza” by Debbie Tilley and “I’m a Big Brother” by Joanna Cole

4) If you have pets, bring a baby blanket home early from the hospital. My Mom and Dad brought home one of the blankets they used to snuggle with Louie in the hospital before he came home and placed it on the ground for our dog, Madden to get used to the smells. It helped him to adjust before our baby brother came home

3) Let me help! I’d love to help stack diapers, hold the baby, and learn to be gentle with the baby. This lets me know I am important and still your first baby!

2) Give me my own big sister gift. The baby is getting an awful lot of stuff that is too small to share…I’d like to remind you that I also like bows, headbands and fancy shoes.

1) Answer my questions!! Why do babies sleep all the time? Why do they poop so much? Why do they only eat milk? No really, why?

Monday, March 11, 2013

Carter’s New Baby Must Buys



0-3 Month Picks

Me at 3 months with my Best G
5) Swaddles. Ok I admit it, I am not one of those easy kind of babies who sleeps through dinners out and only cries when he’s hungry. I have a lot to see and do every day so being rocked to sleep is punishment. Sleep is punishment. Swaddles hold down my arms and legs so I can’t knock the bink out or scare myself with my moro reflex. Important things.

4) Sophie the Giraffe. Sophie is hands down my favorite toy. She is easy to hold and gum and the absolute best part is she squeaks. I don’t know why this is the best part, but believe me it is.


3) Sound Machine- I love the Cloud B Giraffe…Like big love. The awesome thing about sound machines is they give me a sleep routine. At least that’s what my mom thinks. The sound machine comes on and it makes me want to rub my eyes and yawn. Kinda annoying actually


I don't sleep much, but when I do it's because of Cloud B
2) Bink/Paci/Foofie- whatever you call it, I like it. My mom also says it reduces SIDs  which I guess is a good thing. Some binks also improve oral development as well as help create excess saliva which have natural antacid properties to help with spit up. Yuck.

1) Hats and Accessories. Duh. 

Accessories duh.


Gia’s Top 5 Adoption Stories for Chosen Kids and Their Birth and Adoptive Families

5) Tell Me Again About the Night I was Born- Jamie Lee Curtis
4) I Wished for You- Marianne Richmond
3) A Blessing from Above- Patti Henderson
2) We Belong Together- Todd Parr
1) Wherever You Are my Love Will Find You- Nancy Tillman


                 (Gia on the left and her biological sister making edits to the blog)

10 ways in 10 days to Live a More Meaningful Life- Forgiving and Accepting


At Choice Network one of our goals this year is to have a holistic approach to training and supporting families. I cannot tell you how many times I left a family’s home after a training or an audit, thinking that the family I had just met with had inadvertently given me a bit of wisdom that I could pass on in my own home. A small bit of peace. A tiny piece of introspection.

From our holistic approach, we decided to create a series of blog posts on self improvement. For the first of the series, we will discuss living life peacefully and meaningfully through forgiveness. Although peace can be defined in a variety of ways, for our purposes we will define peace as living happily, in harmony and in a positive manner.

A social worker I used to work with often said; “happiness is not dependent on whether the sun is shining or it is raining outside, happiness is something you create from within.” Similarly Constellation Therapy would say peace is a feeling you build- like a house. Peace, Gestalt therapists would further say, comes from unconditional acceptance and forgiveness. From these principles we broke down a few tips for achieving this:

Peace through Forgiveness- Although this can often be the hardest thing to do, forgiving someone who wronged you, a negative life circumstance or an unfortunate experience is a great way to achieve peace. Forgiving yourself and others is ultimately a freeing act for the forgiver. When you forgive, you automatically give yourself the power to accept a situation and move forward with new wisdom.

Forgiving yourself- forgiving yourself means that you accept that you made the best decision you could with the limited resources you had at the time.  It is so easy to analyze situations and recreate scenarios where an outcome could have been different but the truth is time can only move forward. Forgiving yourself and embracing your life experience means that you will not use the experience as a crutch for why you cannot live your best life and instead will use it as a beneficial experience.

Forgiving others- have you ever heard the saying “resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die?” This sentiment is true also for forgiveness. Forgiving others means that you accept that sometimes people do not have the skills, sense, or thoughtfulness to avoid hurting others. There are times in life when you will come across people who cannot or will not apologize for their negative actions. What’s worse is these people can often be defensive or seemingly unfazed by the negativity their actions cause.

I was counseling a husband and wife once on a negative family member who continuously became involved in their lives. Although the family had set appropriate boundaries and limited negative interactions, their frustration peaked when the family member sued them in court for time with their children. The family members were sick with anger and frustration at having to lose work time, provide child care for their children to go to court and rearrange their lives to deal with this family member, who clearly could not respect boundaries. The anger was eating them alive.

Instead of forgiving the family member for their misguided attempt to be wanted, they turned inwardly. They blamed each other for the misfortune and their lives began to revolve around the rogue family member’s actions.  Hatred became a cancer that ate and decayed their marriage. When they were able to forgive and accept was when they were able to sleep at night

You will not often receive a bouquet of flowers or tears of apology from someone who has wronged you. The good news is, you do not need that to forgive them. Forgiveness, fortunately, comes from inside. What the above family did was set a date on their calendars. After a specific date they were done speaking in anger about this particular family member. Instead of anger, they felt compassion and empathy. It was a simple moment of clarity to learn that this person was flawed in their own way but the former methods of banishing and ignoring were not effective and in fact were destructive.

Acceptance- In constellation therapy we ask ourselves- who is the person acting out the most? Go to that person and include them, if not physically, then spiritually. To accept and forgive is to spiritually tell yourself that you will take anything good that person gave you physically, emotionally or spiritually and leave all the bad. In this case the family member gave the family a recipe they loved. Every time they made the recipe they reflected on positive times. Any time the family member did something negative they brought themselves back to the mantra that they are only accepting the good and not taking on the burden of the bad- they could leave that burden with the wayward family member.  

Without the ability to forgive another person, we are silently injuring ourselves.  Anger seeps into every part of our lives. Studies have even been done to show when we are angry subtle physical changes occur such as raised blood pressure levels, and stomach issues- our bodies physiologically remain in fight or flight mode all day and night. 

Another down side is, when we are labeling ourselves as a victim we silently give ourselves permission to live below our own expectations. We allow ourselves to eat poorly because we are stressed, fight with our spouse because we are anxious and raise our voices to our children because we are consumed with angry feelings.

Having the ability and power to forgive is a foundation for living a beautiful, fulfilled life. As Gandhi once said:  

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong." Gandhi

Look out for Post 2 of our 10 post series on Living  a More Meaningful Life

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

February Spotlight

Happy February to everyone! It is amazing how quickly this chilly (to say the least) month went by! If you follow us on Facebook you will have seen what an incredibly busy month we have had, and in case you don't, we are proud to announce that with 4 placements (all in the third week of January) we have hit an all time agency record! Such an achievement would not be possible without the selfless choices of the birth mothers, the open hearts of the adoptive families, and the tireless work of the staff of Choice Network.  This brings us to our February spotlight, Joni Ogle!

"I love that I can have the freedom and time to spend with a family as their experience and understanding of adoption grows and changes and I love being able to advocate for a family in order to watch their dream of expanding their family come true." - Joni
Joni has been with Choice Network since the beginning and her dedication and reliability to the women and families she serves has never waned. Joni has consistently been a source of support, understanding and resource to everyone she encounters, even going so far as to work full time up until 2 days before delivering her son Carter Matthew on November 2, 2012.  We want to honor Joni for all of the work she has and continues to do, especially in this, her first month back to work since maternity leave, and she didn't miss a step coming back.  So cheers to Joni and all of the invaluable work that she does!

Do you have a story about some of the great work that Joni has done? Tell us about it on our Facebook page or email it to us at choicenetworkohio@gmail.com!


Monday, January 7, 2013

January Spotlght

Happy New Year to all of our Choice Networks supporters! We have had such an incredible last few months meeting with new clinics excited to offer our services on site, new families ready to begin their adoption journey, and new expectant women who are making the choice of adoption! Because of all of the great successes we had in 2012 thanks to the many partnerships we have cultivated, we would like to start a new tradition going into 2013 of highlighting members of the Choice Network family that have gone above and beyond our expectations to bringing a true choice to women.

Molly with Amanda and Jennifer
In late December we had the pleasure of meeting with Amanda and Jennifer. Although Choice Network has been working with these women for a while now, this was a great opportunity for us to get to see all of the amazing staff and the hard work they do. These women work tirelessly to provide services, counseling, and choice to women experiencing unexpected pregnancy.

This month we have chosen to shine our blog spotlight on Jennifer.  She has worked (what seems around the clock) assisting women as the Bilingual Senior Counselor for nearly two years. Each time we have met with Jennifer we are greeted with a warm smile and a confident answer to any question.  Jennifer has a wonderful approach with the women she serves. Often times while speaking to women that she has referred to us, they take a moment to speak her praises. The hard work she does, the many referrals she sends our way, and the lasting impression she leaves on clientele and coworkers alike are a true testament to the type of person she is. This is why Jennifer has been selected for the first Choice Network Spotlight for 2013!

We appreciate both of these women and the way in which they are spreading the word and work of Choice Network, which is why we wanted to take a moment introduce them to all of you, our blog followers.

 If you have any questions for these ladies, please feel free to email us your questions at choicenetworkohio@gmail.com.

Wishing everyone the happiest 2013!

Monday, October 15, 2012

The Hardest Choice


Abortion rights advocates have been de-stigmatizing abortion for 200 of the past 4000 years the procedure has been available. In the beginning of history abortion was a widely sought after procedure, normalized in society and readily available for women experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. It was not until the late 1800s that abortion began to be regulated, criminalized and policed.

Today, statistics will tell us that half a million abortions occur per year. These procedures are done in the safety of private, certified medical facilities by practicing physicians. Abortion as a civil right has been attacked so viciously in the past 200 years that coalitions have been created to defend the rights of women who have chosen or are choosing elective abortions.

Campaigns such as “1 in 3,” “Stop the War on Women” and “March for Women’s Lives,” have incited action and factions of women and men motivated to advocate for abortion rights.

In the mean time the history of adoption has been less guided as a reproductive right for women and more as a social welfare issue. The focus for the government and the populace has always on the product of the pregnancy; the child- not the families making the decision to place the child.

In the early 1900s the eugenics movement was in full force in Europe and the United States. Infants available for adoption were seen as having poor prospects in life as they came from “poor genetic endowment,” due to the fact they came from unwed or abandoned birth mothers according to the literature of the time.

Henry Herbert Goddard began a popular movement at the same time in America in which he “proved” criminality and immorality were genetically inherited. Available, adoptable infants were subsequently placed in group homes, and eventually institutionalized instead of being placed with loving available families.

A few wealthy philanthropic women of the time however felt differently about these women and infants. In 1910 the first private child placing agencies were being developed by women interested in finding homes for infants with childless families. Louise Waterman Wise, one of the founding women of the movement wrote at the time:

It is a very serious matter for the state and society to insist that a child shall remain with its natural mother merely because of its birth and that it shall be denied a thousand opportunities which adoption under the new order of life brings.”

Adoption as a social movement was on the rise!

Today, however, adoption agencies are reporting that adoptions have decreased in 2012 by 50%. Older, established independent child placing agencies are closing and statistics tell us only 125,000 women per year actually end up choosing to place their child through a court process with a family different from their own.

How, in a century, did we go from waiting infants, to waiting families? The 1973 ruling of Roe vs Wade legislation certainly made adoption a less necessary social service. You can imagine considering the stigma and negativity surrounding unplanned pregnancy why women would opt to have a safe, legal, private procedure in the comfort of their doctor’s office versus facing the scrutiny and stigma of not only carrying an unplanned pregnancy but also telling people the pregnancy would result in adoption.

When our culture has come from a century of negativity around birth parents, going so far as to suggest their genetics were “unfavorable” why or how could a modern woman possibly make the choice to place her pregnancy for adoption?

On TV we see Caitlyn and Tyler, two young teens featured on a popular MTV docudrama, struggling to process their adoption with the daughter they placed. Their episodes are filled with tears and emotional discussions reliving the day of placement. Society has told us if you choose not to parent a child you should be sufficiently devastated.

On a similar token, we see decades of legislation to restrict women’s access to abortion. When women are denied abortion they are given two stark choices; parenting or adoption.

One option leaves the responsibility of raising a child she may not be able to responsibly raise squarely on her shoulders. The other option we have been taught to see as the weaker, less favorable option. This belief goes all the way back to the eugenics movement discussed earlier in this post. What woman could possibly find herself in this position and how could she be able to make this choice? She is either pitied, counseled, or shunned even by our modern society.

Today, women still make 82% of what men in similar positions earn. Women who earn only a high school degree typically earn around $2000 per month before taxes, whereas women with bachelor’s and master’s degrees typically earn between $3800-4400 per month. Women with children spend approximately 40% more time out of the workforce than men, providing care to children. This factor can also be economically devastating to a single mother, especially one making minimum wages with inflexible hourly employment. Women who are asked or forced by society to parent a child before they are prepared are at a disadvantage time after time when it comes to economic advancement.

The abortion movement proves that women have been making hard decisions about their personal futures for 4000 years. When will our society and community be able to accept adoption as a hard but important decision unprepared families may sometimes need to make.