As an agency that works with women choosing adoption, abortion and parenting, our social workers often come in contact with women who have previously chosen each of the above options. Using their feedback we compiled a list of great questions to ask your adoption professional if you are a birth parent considering creating an adoption plan.
5. What Makes you an Adoption Expert? This seems like a no brainer- however, with the ever evolving climate around social services it is always important to ask your social service worker what their background and skill set is. We often see in the adoption world that when a woman announces she is pregnant and considering adoption, she can be swarmed by well intended family members and friends who know a friend, who knows an attorney, who knows a social worker who knows a couple from church, who has considered adoption. This networking was an awesome way in previous decades to make a match between a birth parent and an adoptive family. Today, however, we have much more sophisticated methods for finding the perfect match.
Just last year, we had a client come to Choice Network. She stated she was considering adoption but wanted "truly awesome" prospective adoptive family. She wanted her child to be bilingual and she wanted nothing short of "two astronauts." We matched her and her infant with an adoption family that had two bilingual NASA engineers.
Today, the birth family has a right and obligation to find the perfect adoptive family for their children. As a birth parent, you have the right to request face to face interviews, references, and profiles on the families you are selecting from.
If you have a right to ask this of your adoptive applicants, you have the same right to ask this of your Adoption Professional. Some great questions to ask: What licensure do you hold? What brought you to adoption work? How many years have you worked in this field? And most importantly...What makes you an adoption expert?
4. What kind of Adoption Plans Does Your Agency Facilitate? In the United States, there are three recognized forms of adoption. Open Adoption, Semi-Open Adoption and Closed Adoption. Open Adoption is everything from in person visits between the birth family and adoptive family to the exchange of photos, letters, cards and names. In an open adoption the birth parents (with the help of a social worker) usually selects and interviews the adoptive family. Sometimes the adoptive and birth families decide on a name for the child together, share an e-mail account to facilitate picture shares and maintain a connection sometimes beyond or outside of the facilitation done by an attorney or adoption agency.
Semi Open Adoption involves sharing first names, medical histories and other very limited but pertinent information. This information share can be similar to an open adoption in that you are sharing cards, letters and photos- but is limited to non identifying information. Usually a social worker or attorney will facilitate the exchange of the information to maintain the confidentiality on both the side of the adoptive family and the birth family. Semi Open Adoption is a great option for birth families who want to remain in control of their own privacy during the process, but still want to remain informed on how the child is progressing and blossoming in the care of their adoptive family.
Meanwhile Closed Adoption would be an adoption professional, such as an attorney, securing the match without ever having any information shared between parties. The birth family would not select the family, and the adoptive family would have no information on the birth family as well.
At Choice Network, we only operate Open and Semi Open adoptions. We feel that when you look at adoption as a lifelong process, and not a singular act, only the above two facilitation processes allow for healing. A birth family may feel today that they don't need to know about the child, but the wonderful aspect of open adoption and semi open adoption is that if they decide they want a more open relationship in five years, the pictures, letters and updates will be waiting and available for them through the agency.
Conversely, when you look at the life of a child, the three most prevalent questions adoptive children have surrounding their adoptions are: 1) Why did my birth family choose adoption for me?, 2) Is my birth family ok today?, and 3) What do my birth parents look like? All of these questions can be answered in the most truthful and respectful way with Open and Semi Open adoptions.
If your agency or attorney operates all three or only one or two, ask them why they made this decision and what adoption plan they feel would be best for you considering your expectations of the adoption process.
3. Can I Speak With a Former Birth Parent Who Used Your Services? Remember when you first met your favorite teacher or coach and you wanted to tell everyone about them? Remember the first session you had with an excellent therapist who really "got you?" We've found adoption services are no different. If you've had a supportive adoption social worker, many times you will be happy to advocate, volunteer and give support back to the agency. Your adoption worker should have several birth parent references and should be able to link you with a former client that can give you an honest assessment of their interactions with the agency or attorney.
2. What Happens After I Place with Your Agency? This is one of the most important questions you can ask your agency or attorney. The biggest emotional let down a birth family can receive is believing their attorney or adoption advocate will provide ongoing services, only to find this to be untrue. Ask your adoption professional: what support will you give me one week after I place my infant, one month after I place my infant and five years after I place my infant with your agency? Can I call or email whenever I need updates? What kind of aftercare or support have you provided your birth families in the past? Their answers may surprise you or put you at ease in deciding to work with them.
1. What Kind of Training do You Give Your Adoptive Families? This is an excellent question to ask your adoption professional. Working in adoptions, we believe two things determine whether an adoption agency is excellent or mediocre. One is how much support they provide their birth families. The other is how much education and support they offer their adoptive families.
Many large, national adoption agencies work with hundreds of couples at a time. Families are assigned individual reading assignments, or asked to fill out independent questionnaires to comprise their adoption knowledge to pass state training requirements. The focus of these agencies is less on making the adoptive applicants completely ready- mind, body and soul, to expand their family- but more or less to get through the bureaucracy to the placement.
Choice Network is completely different. Our families go through a boot camp training process in which we hold their hands through completing the initial application, to the home study, to the post placement visits. Through out this all we provide one on one training and counseling on cultural diversity, adoption related issues, separation and loss and other key topics. We work intensively with our families through therapy, counseling, training and education to ensure we know our adoptive families inside and out. We can therefore be confident that each profile we present to our birth parents is screened to be exactly what our birth family is looking for. We have 100% confidence that each family we work with is completely ready to bring a new child into their family.
Now that we've posted our list of suggestions, if you're a birth family, adoption expert or adoptive family, what are some you may have?
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